just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dignity is for republicans.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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