On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just took my morning after pill in the library
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
