Pants 0. Shit 1.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
