At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
