She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
