I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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