Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
