hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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