I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
