Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
