Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize