The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
