YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
