I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
