I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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