I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
