dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
