Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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