Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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