You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
