God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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