Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
