I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
