I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
