do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
