my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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