i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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