Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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