I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
