I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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