i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
