a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
