i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
