apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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