god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
