Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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