I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
