peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Holy shit dude........stairs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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