Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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