My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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