I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
