I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
