Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
