the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
