You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
