It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
