Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
