I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
