FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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