All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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