I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
