Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
