You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
