omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize