Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
