My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize