We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
