I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
