Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
