I smell stomach acid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
