he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I could fuck to npr.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
