Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize