I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize