Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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