so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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