the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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