I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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