he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
