i'm signing you up for texting rehab
where am i from again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
