Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
