I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
