please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
