Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
