i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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