people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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