just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
