We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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