It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize