Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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