so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
