walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
how drunk are you?
Several
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
