True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
