So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
4 words: hood of his car
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
