Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
