why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
