we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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