I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
