either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
