oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
