1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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