she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
