he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
