i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize