Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
