Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
