i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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