We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
