Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
