Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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