Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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