I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
