whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
